February 9, 2016 at 5:42 pm #155810
-Copied this from my post in the private forum which still exists. I’m willing to talk with anyone that can see this-
Since becoming a Turbo last September my life has dramatically improved. I’ve met so many fantastic people that I can’t wait to meet one day. I’ve also seen people with a variety of issues, some of whom I’ve had the fortune to talk to and support. Whatever you may be dealing with, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, or just stress, I wanted to make this thread to give people an outlet to talk about these things. A common theme I’ve seen is Turbos thinking they don’t matter to this community. Now this thread isn’t to group all these issues together just with a simple “Get Well” message every now and then. Everyone’s problems matter and I want to be there to help everyone dealing with this. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk if we’re having trouble, nor should we think that our problems are stupid. Everyone needs something different, but I just want people to know that me and hopefully other Turbos are here for you. I’ve got problems myself, but this community and more specifically this thread are helping me deal with them. Other turbos have supported me and the intention of this thread is to talk it through, before it’s too late. You’re not alone.
February 9, 2016 at 7:36 pm #155826
It’s not an easy topic to discuss.
I have been having some issues for a while now with the severity changing all the time.
That’s also the reason why I’ve been missing from the chat for a while (not sure if anyone even noticed).
Being around people, even virtual ones, is extremely hard for me.
Even writing these lines not only takes me forever, but stresses me out.
I’m not sure if it will ever improve. A lot has happened in the last few years and most of it can’t be fixed, ever.
It’s very possible that this is my last year.
I’m not writing this for attention or the “get well” messages you talked about.
It’s just…I love this community and it’s detached enough to be safe.
Sometimes it just feels good to say it, instead of keeping it deep inside until you explode.February 9, 2016 at 7:52 pm #155828
@hrotgarmr I know exactly how you feel. Thanks for posting. It gets really really hard sometimes. I’ve finally started getting over my stress and worry in talking with other people, but that’s only with Turbos. It’s still ever prevalent, I’m still worrying about conversations I had from years and years ago. I’ve recently let it all out to a new turbo friend of mine. Was close to crying. This community has done so much for me, I feel very strongly about it, and it sounds like you do too. For me being able to support other people has made me feel so much better. You just need to forget all the awkwardness and stupid social rules and let it all out. You don’t need to if you really don’t want to, but I’m completely happy to talk it through with you. Don’t be afraid to say what you need to. Completely here for you <3
P.S. I had noticed you were missing from chat. You may think the community is detached from you, but we’re always here to help. Like it or not, you’re one of us :P You can be open about thisFebruary 9, 2016 at 10:38 pm #155837
I appreciate you making this post Raddy. Things are really rough for me, as you know, and I want the other Turbo’s to know that you have been there for me, and I appreciate that. Hopefully this community can be here for you.
I’ve made posts before. Really attention-whoring type posts. I wanted to say things and for people to care. For some reason, I want to have a large affect on everything, and if I can’t do that I feel empty. That bundled with a hundred other issues just makes this extremely hard to live with.
There’s not much else I can say other than this kind of thing really really sucks, and I don’t know how to deal with it, but not having to deal with it alone really helps. Especially at the point I’m at.
I can really really relate to what you’re saying @hrotgarmr , and honestly I don’t know how to help you, but I can say that you are not alone in how you feel.February 9, 2016 at 10:44 pm #155838
Sometimes I don’t know how to talk about my stuff without being extremely long-winded and telling my whole life story, but I’m going to try to cut it down.
Categorizing helps so I’m just gonna go ahead and say that I have Major Depression, Anxiety (especially of the social variety), and undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn’t get diagnosed with anything until a year ago but I’ve definitely suffered from most of these for as long as I can remember. I think my biggest roadblock right now is my anxiety. I’ve gotten much better at facing people, but I do backslide and revert to how I was a few months before…My main struggle is being able to make phone calls. Sooo many things are required for me to make a call. I applied for a job and was up for an interview, but I was unable to call to set it up. It’s one thing when I have my mom call my doctor, but like an employer doesn’t want someone who can’t even make a call. Let alone what would happen at an actual interview.
Anyway, there’s a whole lot more to it than that, but I think that’s as far as I’m going today. I really don’t want to write a novel here and I don’t wanna get too personal and start crying or something. Thank you so much for making this thread, Rad <3February 9, 2016 at 11:16 pm #155841
Thanks for replying Lyca. I want to find a solution to these problems @frankensuppie that doesn’t elicit drugs or being lied to by a doctor. I’m actually crying right now, and I don’t know if I’m coming to grips with my own problems, or if I’m happy they’re going away…
I want this to go as personal as it needs to. Don’t hold something back because you’re embarrassed. I want to talk about this, and I wan’t to fix it. If ever you’re feeling worse then please please tell me what’s up specifically and we can talk it throughFebruary 9, 2016 at 11:35 pm #155842
@radladdy I really appreciate that! It’s not that I’m embarrassed but more that I do want to be careful what I put out in the open. Which is sooo weird and out of character for me idk. I really am an open book for the most part. It’s also that I really am sick of crying like last year i had such a mental breakdown because of my anxiety i could barely sleep and i was crying like every other hour. I had a lot of shit go down in 2015 and like in 2016 I’d rather not cry just talking about the probs I have. I’m also just in a more, er, vulnerable state right now so I’m quicker to crying…I’m an easy crier and I used to always feel way better after crying but right now I’m a but too quick to tears and I’m sort of over it lol. Hope that makes sense idekFebruary 9, 2016 at 11:36 pm #155843February 10, 2016 at 1:23 am #155845
I am seriously so broken right now. I’d like to think this is for everyone but a lot of it is for me. I want to be there for people but I’m paranoid I’m not doing enough. Some of you may think that you can’t be helped, or you’re not comfortable sharing, but I need to know that you guys are okayFebruary 10, 2016 at 7:48 am #155857
Raddy, you are doing great work by posting this. Seriously.February 10, 2016 at 10:47 am #155866
Thank you so much for putting this thread together @radladdy and to those participating in it so far. Stress, depression and anxiety affect SO many of us in our day to day lives. It’s nice to know that there are peeps out there that care, and, perhaps, are going through something similar. You’re not alone.
For those caring duders trying to help others in a difficult place, this animation may be helpful. I love it. The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy Explained Perfectly With a Simple Animation.February 10, 2016 at 11:57 am #155871
It is an interesting video and perspective, thank you for that.
A few years ago I moved away from home to a city I didn’t know, hundreds of miles away from my friends and family, to study.
Had a tiny apartment in the basement with a terrible mold problem and it was always dark, because there were so many plants and trees and flowers right in front of my window.
I stayed there for 7 years, alone.
Made a single friend in that time and he moved away shortly after, with his family.
I hated him for it.
He had this brilliant life, kids, a cool job and I had nothing.
My last girlfriend left me for her ex-husband mere weeks before I wanted to propose, that was 5 years ago.
Since then I’ve pretty much been all alone.
And I think one night in that dark, moldy room when I was all alone with my thoughs…something snapped.
Like a lever that got pulled.
Something in my head is broken and I don’t know what it is.
People scare me.
It’s one of the reasons I lost my dream job with Nintendo back in the day.
I just stopped talking on the meetings and got less and less important to them.
Stopped going out, working out, got lazy and then fat.
All downhill from there.
6 months ago I got my master degree and moved back home, lost 40 kilos and tried connecting to my old friends again.
At work I met someone, fell in love with her and we started talking daily, night and day.
When I told her how I felt she rejected me, hard.
Turns out she has a boyfriend I didn’t know about and I’m not even remotely her type.
We don’t talk anymore.
For a few weeks I was almost happy and got punished for it.
I don’t need or want sympathy or anyone telling me that it’s gonna get better.
At this point I’m very neutral about the whole thing.
I screwed up and it probably will never be fixed.
And like I said, maybe this is my last year, maybe the next one is.
It is how it is.
Sorry about my crappy english, btwFebruary 10, 2016 at 12:20 pm #155873
@hrotgarmr I couldn’t be more sorry for you. I get what you mean. People keep distant from you for so long that you feel as if YOU pushed them away. You get so afraid of meeting people, of eventually pushing them away, that you become distant yourself. It’s really, REALLY hard. You may think not but we are your friends hrotgarmr. I want to meet you and every other turbo. I don’t think I could live without VGA.February 10, 2016 at 12:56 pm #155875
Thank you and I know what you mean.
This show and the community mean a lot to me.
Both helped me through some tough times and it’s like a safe heaven almost.
I’m very glad the gang was able to build such a positive atmosphere here.February 10, 2016 at 1:53 pm #155876
I have been depressed for a long time. I don’t think I can remember a time that I was not maybe when I was 7 I was not but for the longest time I tried just to ignore it. I come to realize I cant do noting about it any more. When I was a kid I got help but it did not seem to do much or that just how I see it. I have a negative mindset when to come to myself to the point were I cant function and do what I need to do in life. I been trying to change my mindset I’m finding it difficult to do so tho little by little I’m working on it. I find my self wonder why I’m posting here. A lot of time I try to keep me feelings to myself and close friends though I am a talkative person. I like that this thread exist.February 10, 2016 at 2:03 pm #155877
Having dealt with Depression nearly half my life with myself and my dad as well and dealing with Anxiety, it can sometimes feel like things don’t or will never get better. I recommend maybe reading up on what things you may be able to do to deal with issues. Informing yourself and understanding what is going on with your brain can be very helpful and for me makes me feel like I’m not completely crazy. Now this will not really help with the depression in itself, but understanding how and why these things happens can be very helpful and useful to possibly use to change your habits to help make things easier for yourself.
Since my dads passing about 1 1/2 years ago, I’ve been reading up a lot on depression and honestly been able to deal better with this far better than I ever have before. I’m not saying this will help anyone here, but just a personally experience that I’ve been through and has helped me.February 10, 2016 at 3:22 pm #155880
@hrotgarmr I hope we see you in chat more often. You’ve got nothing to worry about, we’re all friends here. Stay strong and stay awesome :)
@asddsa28 I’m glad you decided to post. These issues only get worse and worse if you keep them inside. We just need to let loose, laugh about it. Very happy to help with anything I can
@jsc315 That’s a great suggestion. I feel like that we need to stop viewing these things as part of who we are, that we can solve them by talking it out. But really understanding what causes it to happen, to anyone specifically, it can really really help. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m glad you’re coping with itFebruary 10, 2016 at 3:31 pm #155884
@missblow Thank you so much for replying Becky. I hope you realize how much this show means to some of us. And that animation is exactly how I feel about this whole situation. I’ve had to come to grips with my own problems, and I’ve never felt more delighted to share my experiences and support others. I want to empathize with everyone before it’s too lateFebruary 10, 2016 at 6:39 pm #155907
Well here goes. Try and put this into words as best I can. Since returning from PAX I went through the usual post PAX Blues but my job helped me get over that because we’re always so busy even with this being our slowest time of the year. Lately I’ve been dealing with an issue of wondering where I want to go next in life. I love being part of this community and probably will be here forever in some capacity, but I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am in life having turned 30 last June and wondering what life really has in store for me at this stage. I feel like I’m finally in a good place job wise and I’m ok money wise in that I’ve been paying my bills regularly for close to 2 years now. But I can’t help but feel like there’s nothing awaiting me, I mean sure I could plan on going to PAX Prime with the money I’ll get from my tax return but I can’t seem to be excited for this prospect…or the prospect of skipping it to save for going somewhere else I really would like to see Ireland or Iceland the most. I’ve also been thinking a lot about how I may have grown up a lot the last 2 years but I still feel like I’m a kid at heart and that I’m never going to move out of my parents house, I’m never going to find someone to marry and worst of all I’ll never have a kid of my own and the branch of our family tree will end. My dad also turned 60 yesterday and my mom will later this year so now I can’t help but start worrying about how much longer I’m going to have with my parents and if I’ll be ready to truly be on my own when they’re gone.
I’m sorry this probably just sounds like a lot of rambling but sometimes it really is good to say what’s on your mind to people you hold close and dear. So that’s where I’m at and what I’m dealing with. And I’m sorry if I came off as this being all about me when I should be helping however I can with what all of you are going through.February 10, 2016 at 6:48 pm #155915
That’s heavy stuff @deathbyblunderbuss. I can understand feeling like there is nothing for you to do, nothing planned out for you. It’s stressful to think about your future. I’m just hoping that everything works out for me, but it doesn’t just do that. Really I wish I could move in with turbos eventually. It’s weird. I feel like that’s the only way I could cope.February 10, 2016 at 8:40 pm #155920
I really like the idea of this thread. I’m not going to try to offer solutions as I feel in some ways that is not the true benefit of this Thread. To share and express all those secret struggles we all deal with, and to know that others have to deal and push through, to know that not everyone has their lives as together as we make them seem. We all need a reminder some days that everyone struggles and has a dark moment or two. Even if their lives seem perfect.
So I will also share:
I don’t talk about it on the community but I have a sister. She is older than me but born disabled. Her disability is incurable and cognitively leaves her incapable to communicate her needs with anyone in a meaningful way.
In my dark moments I feel trapped by my responsibility to her. I love her, and take this responsibility willingly but I know it will have a significant effect on my life.
I’ve known since I was a child that I would have to look after her for the rest of my life – it was just an unspoken truth.
She would always:
* live with me
* need me to speak for her
* need me to take responsibility for her
* care for her
Romantically, a normal person would struggle to find the one. Whoever I fall in love with and marry, will also have to accept this responsibility, and I will also make my children responsible for her accordingly. That kind of person is difficult to find. No matter how wonderful anyone can be, asking them to do that for someone is beyond charity and goodness. It is something they must wholeheartedly want, and I know that will make my ability to have a family and find love extremely difficult, if not impossible.
Some relationships I’ve had have already ended for this reason and I cannot blame them for not feeling capable of accepting so much. Hell I know that if I ever do find that person I must ask them for a prenup solely to make sure my sisters lifestyle is secure from wherever my relationships may lead.
I fear my death, not because of any concern for the afterlife or ceasing to be, but because I have nightmares where I am watching my sister alone in the world trapped in a home. I see her depressed with no one to care for her or about her. I see her stuck in a chair watching the TV endlessly – simply to pass away the rest of her life. People walk around her but never to her. She will have no one to communicate with, or care as she becomes another patient to be managed.
That presumes that someone will not take advantage of her, or abuse her in my absence. Or that someone who I appoint to look after her doesn’t one day snap and abandon her to the streets.
My Anxiety stems from the fact that I am going to be required to live my life for someone else, and it was never really a choice to begin with. Even if there was an out, I could never take it, because the risk and consequences are literally the stuff of my nightmares.February 10, 2016 at 8:50 pm #155921
That’s heartbreaking to hear Quazi. I’m glad you shared that. These kind of unspoken responsibilities can be so stressful. I’d say I’d be there for her but I couldn’t promise that. It’s really hard to devote so much of your time to someone. Wish you and her the bestFebruary 10, 2016 at 8:53 pm #155922
@radladdy I have had a lot of help over the years and I have help now as well. That post was odd for me to make there came a point when tipping were I no longer knew what to say. I want to ask you want you mean when you say “before it is to late” this is deeply unsettling to me. Im trying to understand the contexts with out going to the worse thing I can think of, though that is hard for me. Other then that RadLaddy I’m a vary talkative person if you wish to talk as well. Saying that’s is the only way you could cope RadLaddy is selling your self short. Ill continue to post here in the in the future . Also Redladdy I admire you optimism.
You did not come off as rambling at all it also it did not come off as all about you. I do feel the same living with my mom and dad not knowing if I’ll leave or be able to some day it a hard thing to deal with. The felling of being stuck and not knowing what I would do with out them. I wish you the best and i don’t know what to say that’s all my head thought of.
February 10, 2016 at 9:01 pm #155925
- This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by asddsa28.
Thanks @asddsa28. I’ve never really felt the way I do now before. In that way I can’t relate to a lot of you. The last few days have now led to me being the most stressed, anxious, and depressed I’ve ever been. Deep down I knew I felt these things and I’m only now coming to grips with it.February 10, 2016 at 10:34 pm #155936
@radladdy It is always the coming to grips with it the sucks. It’s the worst and the best thing coming to grips with it only so long you can hold those felling in you. It sucks but at the same time there is hope in your addressing it. I know what its like to live denying feelings or facts. There is hope with coming to grips with your troubles it helps to change mindset or at lest think about it. That how I am trying to see it. I hope you know RadLaddy that addressing negative feelings is one of the hardiest things someone can do.
February 10, 2016 at 10:40 pm #155938
- This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by asddsa28.
@asddsa28 Hey this is supposed to be my thread XD
Just kidding. I’m actually feeling a lot better now. I don’t even know what fixed it, just time I guess. This is new to me and I hope it just comes in these little episodes. Thanks for being supportive, that’s what I wanted this thread to be about.February 12, 2016 at 7:08 am #155983
2015 was a rough year for me. I lost my father to cancer a month after I graduated college. I lost a job that I looked forward to having for a while. And I’m just straight up broke. I had to move 3 times due to my inability to pay rent.
After all of this, I decided that the best thing to do was to go to therapy. I saved up money for a few monthes now, which entailed me having numerous shitty jobs and me calling back my Patreon pledge.
I was finally able to afford therapy recently. And, in all honesty, it didn’t do jackshit for me. As I left therapy, I only felt more depressed about myself and the current state i’m in.
As of right now, I am currently dealing with anxiety issues. I am very close to losing my current home, and I am pretty much broke. I realize that I am in a very dark place right now in life and I have been trying my best to stay optimistic but it just wasn’t working. I know talking it out is the best thing to do, but whenever I talk to someone, I break down in tears unable to form coherent sentences.
I have seen the support poured out by the VGA community over the years, and the fact that such a humbling community exists puts a smile on my face. This is pretty much the only place I feel comfortable saying this, because I know people will listen and understand. And seeing all of these fellow community members that are going through hard times like I am and still staying strong until the end is empowering.February 12, 2016 at 7:17 am #155984
@gigasteelbyter I know that therapy can be very good and I feel like I’m putting it off too often in this thread;However your case is exactly what I made it for. I’m very glad that the turbo community is making you feel stronger. When it gets too expensive to get professional help talking with people you trust (for me that’s you guys) can be all you need. I know some people consider it to be only online, out of their lives, but to me you guys are my friends. I honestly believe that there is a turbo out there happy to give you a home, to accommodate you. Wishing you the bestFebruary 12, 2016 at 1:26 pm #156005
You are doing (insert deity here)’s work.
I’ve got loads of respect for what you’re doing and I hope everything turns out ok.
I’m from Germany, so stuff like Valentines day never really interested me.
People are trying to make it a thing, but nobody really takes it seriously.
This year I find myself dreading it, as in really being afraid.
I made the mistake of checking my colleague on Facebook (Yes, I know) and she goes on and on about how awesome her boyfriend is and that they both took the day off to spend V-day with each other.
It…makes me feel like a 14 year old who got rejected for the first time.
I know it shouldn’t bother me and that I’m way too old for such childish things, but it’s like being stabbed.
At a time when I was about ready to friggin hang myself she was the one person to give me some hope and it all crumbled and burned down.
I’m fully aware that there are turbos in this very thread who have it a lot worse than I do.
In the grand scheme of things my problems are probably very minor.
The problem is the amount and frequency.
It’s the fact that our superiors kept telling us that there weren’t more hours for us to work, even though most of us are barely able to survive.
Days later we get CC’d in an email-chain by accident in which one of my colleagues, a real asshole, is being promised 10 more hours a week for his “great work”.
Work, btw, that he made us do, because he was too important to do it himself.
The fact that I walk 2-3 hours a day to lose weight and all I got was bloody feet, the need to buy new clothes and less freetime.
I always thought I would be able to talk to other people again when I stop looking like neckbeard-Jabba, but that’s bullshit.
Now I’m thin and alone.
In the end it’s all meaningless.
There is no help or miracle or sudden appearance of the perfect person to help out.
I’m nearly 30 now and I can’t really remember ever being happy.
It’s all just…ugh, whatever.February 12, 2016 at 3:36 pm #156011
Thank you, I appreciate it.
I’m fully aware that there are turbos in this very thread who have it a lot worse than I do.
In the grand scheme of things my problems are probably very minor.
I got to stop you right there though. Your problems are no less important or troubling. We all have our own problems and struggles to face and yours are meaningful to you. Especially if they are repetitive and as personal as you describe.
I can very much see how stressful this time of year can be for someone. I’m pretty apathetic myself to valentines day, but sometimes when I see my friends in a relationship, or the romantic displays prominently in front of me… I get that pang deep down saying I wish I could be like them right now. I feel that extra level of loneliness, and feel just – wrong. I start to idealize the “what if”; If I had “this one thing”, I would be so much better and happier. Then usually go into a self pity party and go into a spiral which involves me getting all broody and isolated from people for a while.
One thing I’m glad about in this thread is that people get to express their unhappiness and aren’t told to Buck up or get over it. Sometimes people just need to vent and cry unfair. Atleast for me it helps. Everyone is allowed to be sad sometimes. Having that person like @missblow video pointed out try to silver line the pain – it just drives me mad.
I am super impressed with you though. If I understand your post, you should be commended. You went in and lost apparently a lot of weight. That is so hard for me, If you have any suggestions for me, I would love to hear it.
Work stress though. My old company was notorious for that kind of behaviour. I used to have to do accounting and office work with some sales included. I had to quit, I couldn’t handle the toxic atmosphere. Exact behaviour you described. Lazy jerks would slack off, get rewarded on the labour of the people who cared.February 12, 2016 at 3:55 pm #156013
That is so hard for me, If you have any suggestions for me, I would love to hear it.
I gained 80 kilos in 7 years and decided to change on the day I had trouble getting the newspaper.
Like with heavy breathing and sweating after like 50 meters.
I knew that I had to change or suffer a heart attack one day.
So I swallowed my pride and started going to Weight Watchers meetings.
The only dude in a group of like 30 middle aged women.
They taught me how to cook instead of getting pizza,etc.
Eating less is extremely hard when you are very heavy, because your body keeps demanding it.
You need to change the things you eat first, not the amount.
Started getting my groceries from another super market that was further away..and then the next one and then the next one.
Decided to improve every day and take sundays off.
2kms, 2.5 next etc.
Bought some audio-books, downloaded podcasts, whatever I could find.
Last week I walked 5 times 14 kilometers.
My feet literally look like hell, but I’m fit and feel better and don’t wake up in the middle of the night with heartburn.
Started at 150 kilos, down to 110 now. My goal is 70 next year.
There really is no advise.
You need to do it yourself and never ever stop.
It’s hard, really, really hard.
But worth it.
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