Dealing with stress/depression/anxiety; We're here for you

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This topic contains 274 replies, has 44 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of neonte13 neonte13 12 hours, 16 minutes ago.

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  • #155810
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    -Copied this from my post in the private forum which still exists. I’m willing to talk with anyone that can see this-

    Since becoming a Turbo last September my life has dramatically improved. I’ve met so many fantastic people that I can’t wait to meet one day. I’ve also seen people with a variety of issues, some of whom I’ve had the fortune to talk to and support. Whatever you may be dealing with, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, or just stress, I wanted to make this thread to give people an outlet to talk about these things. A common theme I’ve seen is Turbos thinking they don’t matter to this community. Now this thread isn’t to group all these issues together just with a simple “Get Well” message every now and then. Everyone’s problems matter and I want to be there to help everyone dealing with this. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk if we’re having trouble, nor should we think that our problems are stupid. Everyone needs something different, but I just want people to know that me and hopefully other Turbos are here for you. I’ve got problems myself, but this community and more specifically this thread are helping me deal with them. Other turbos have supported me and the intention of this thread is to talk it through, before it’s too late. You’re not alone.

    • This topic was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by Profile photo of RadLaddy .
    • This topic was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by Profile photo of RadLaddy .
Viewing 30 replies - 241 through 270 (of 274 total)
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  • #164514
    Profile photo of Royal Zoo
    JT-Lionheart
    Member

    First of all I want to apologize for not coming to the forums sooner. Some of you know what has happened to me thus past year, some of you know where I’m at right now. I’m currently at a psychiatric hospital where who knows how long I’ll be here but not to worry, everything is great here. There’s a tech here who’s super cool and having to get to know him, he talked with the doctors here because they felt allowing me a bit of time in front of the computer will help me a bit though I’m only allowed 1 hour supervision.

    But again, I feel bad for not coming to the forums to let you guys know how I’m doing. Just that I wasn’t sure how I felt to comeback after my last post. But after talking to some friends on Facebook who have given me some hope, I decided to come visit this site again to see how everything was. I didn’t want to log in and reply but I seen something that struck me and inspiring that made me want to say something.

    @mollypop I read what you posted here and can say that I’ve been in the same predicament and some here may know and still I’m stuck in the same position for about over a year now staying in hospitals, medication, and therapy. Of course the dream is always to live a simple life without worrying about ourselves. I liked your story because you recovered so much which is something I have always wanted. I really don’t want to spent the rest of my 20s trying to get out but hope is all I got and the psychiatric hospital I’m in will determine that possibly in a year or so. But your comment struck me and I’m glad you have done alright. Hopefully when I get out I can come here and do the same. :)

    #164519
    Profile photo of neonte13
    neonte13
    Member

    Hey hey, JT! I’m glad you’re able to stop by, and let us know how you’re doing, but don’t feel bad for not doing it sooner. I, for one, wanted you to stop in, only when you’re ready to, so if that’s now, then, hey, perfect timing! Honestly, I’m so glad you were strong enough to get help, and I’m proud of you for doing so.

    And, by the by, the road to that simple life is different for different people, and sometimes even very similar roadblocks can have wildly varying degrees of effect and effectiveness, so we’ll look forward to you regaling us with your heroic odyssey, when you’re ready… but if you run into any Cyclops…es? I do NOT recommend giving them tickets to a 3D movie, as a token of friendship… That didn’t go very well… Movie tickets and teeth aren’t very good seasoning for Cyclops fists. :-(

    But, yeah, always feel free to check in, or just come by and say, “Oh hi, Mark!” whenever you’re up to it! We’ll see ya, when ya see us, and we can talk about whatevs… Unless it’s Kingdom Hearts. :-P

    #164520
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @jt-lionheart No need to apologise man. Really happy to see you popping in. We all love ya, and I’m really glad you’re doing well <3

    Always feel free to pop in, but don’t feel forced to either. Still in our minds either way :D

    #164522
    Profile photo of Scrumpeh
    Scrumpeh
    Member

    I’m not quite sure if this really fits in this thread, so I apologize in advance.

    I just had my very first panic/anxiety attack today. A severe one. I’m not exaggerating when I say that was probably one of the scariest things to ever happen in my life. I thought I was having a heart attack, and was still convinced I was going to have one even after it had passed.

    I guess all the homework that was piling up, and my constant worries and procrastination finally caught up to me.

    #164523
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @scrumpeh Totally the right place. I’ve had my first panic attacks this year too. I know how uncomfortable they are.

    <3 Can always talk about it buddy.

    #164524
    Profile photo of Scrumpeh
    Scrumpeh
    Member

    @radladdy That means a lot. Thank you.

    It came out of nowhere. I was just on the computer (laughing, even) and my heart was beating faster and louder. Now, that didn’t really freak me out as much. I started to freak out when both of my arms became numb and I was getting a bit of chest pain. (not much pain, but enough to freak me out)

    Thankfully my mother helped me through it, since she used to have them too. Although I had already talked about it with my Mom, it’s always nice to have places like this to go to and speak your mind.

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Profile photo of Scrumpeh .
    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Profile photo of Scrumpeh .
    #164527
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @scrumpeh Yeah the first time I had it was in class. I started breathing faster and faster and couldn’t control myself, my ears filled with white noise, my arms went numb. My vision went blurry and I was terrified. I managed to get through it myself that time, but I still get them every now and then.

    I’m not gonna say don’t worry about it, because it’s definitely a sign of how much anxiety you’re getting; But learning your own techniques to compose yourself is very important. I still don’t know mine really. I just have to shut off and isolate myself until I get through it. But I’m here for ya buddy, it’ll all be okay.

    #164528
    Profile photo of Scrumpeh
    Scrumpeh
    Member

    @radladdy Much appreciated, my Friend.

    #164536
    Profile photo of K-16
    K-16
    Member

    @jt-lionheart : Hi! Welcome back! Good to hear the tech got you supervised access to a computer. Nice of you to use that one hour to drop by here! I was wondering when you went to the hospital. Now I know. Cool.

    @scrumpeh : Arms numb? Yeah that’s not something anyone can make fun of. Definitely not the kind of level where people can say get over it. That’s a legit high level of anxiety. I don’t have any experience on how to deal with those, so I’ll leave it to those who experienced such intensity like RadLaddy. I mean sure, I always get panic attacks, but not to the point you guys are getting. Definitely not something to poke fun at whatsoever.

    #164910
    Profile photo of hrotgarmr
    hrotgarmr
    Member

    Hi guys.

    So I’ve been away for a while (and can’t stop bringing it up in chat, sorry :P) and some stuff happened.
    Some of you already know that I was planning to move in with someone living in Toronto and she changed her mind at the last possible moment, after I’d already told my landlord and started packing.
    Luckily I was able to find a new place before landing on the street and getting mugged and murdered or whatever and also didn’t go insane, because of that betrayal.

    After some time of pitying myself and having some seriously dark thoughts (I assume you guys know all too well what I mean) I took a day off from work and thought long and hard about my future plans.
    Hadn’t slept well in ages, always looked tired and grey, couldn’t concentrate on shift, which in turn brought more problems.
    And she had been the third girlfriend in 5 years that broke up with me rather quickly.
    I really wasn’t sure what to do with my life anymore, so I decided to do something insane for a nerdy loner like me.
    I took the plane tickets I already had, booked an airbnb, took 3 weeks off and just went to Toronto on my own.
    Had no plans at all, knew nothing about the city or anyone there, had nightmares when I even thought about planes and I hate talking to strangers…but then again there was really nothing holding me here.
    No friends, no real family, a dead-end job and constant pain, because I never took care of my body.

    So I just did it.
    Lost about 70 liters of sweat on the plane (those things are evil and unnatural), pretty sure the cab driver drove around in circles for an hour and customs took some of my stuff…but hot damn, it was worth it.
    I’m 26 and never went on vacation on my own.
    Now I was on another continent with nobody I could turn to and no plans.
    And it was the best thing I could’ve done.
    Not to go into too much detail, because I’m pretty sure nobody is interested in a play-by-play of a nerd in the big city, but I had a lot of time to think about myself, my future and how to deal with other people.
    My English ain’t perfect and some of you already know my dreaded accent, but for 3 weeks I had to use it constantly.
    It took about a week for me to start being more confident, approach people and speak louder than a whisper.
    But soon I realized something.
    My attitude started to change.
    Instead of hiding away in a corner, hoping for everyone to ignore me, I walked straight into rooms with a smile on my face, told the person what I wanted and engaged in conversation.
    I made plans for the coming days, went out of my way to do stupid little things that might not be the usual tourist stuff, but something I wanted to do at that moment.
    That probably sounds stupid, but I’ve never done that before.
    All my life I’ve just kinda existed from day to day.
    Now there were plans and expeditions and little spots in the city I grew to like (if you happen to live in Toronto: Queen Street East at the Beach, especially Bam’s and Hogtown Smoke, check it out) and random stuff I wanted to do.

    And I learned, that I don’t need to hide myself.
    I might not be the best looking person around right now, but when I’m confident and make the person feel welcome, they will accept me.
    Heck, two weeks in a cute waitress gave me her number, which never happened before.

    I also learned that I had to live for myself, not my jobs.
    On the first day I deleted Skype and all e-mail accounts from my phone and stopped thinking about it.
    Never slept better.
    Bought some new clothes, got a haircut and a shave, everything I could do to renew myself.
    And I actually met my Ex and had a nice day with her, as friends.

    Why am I telling you all of this?
    Because it’s not too late.
    I’m not healed, probably never will.
    But I went out and did something about my situation.
    Since then I’ve called old friends from school, we want to meet up soon.
    My work has improved a lot, because I do it at my own pace and leave when my shift is over.
    I don’t read work e-mails at 3 am anymore.
    It might not be possible to fix every single problem of mine, but it’s a start.
    And I think it’s possible for all of us.
    We just need to take the first step.

    Excuse my crappy English and lack of structure, just kinda started writing.
    And also excuse my cringy pictures at the bottom, but it’s part of my effort to get myself out there, you know?
    One of these pictures is from 2012, the other from 3 weeks ago.
    And no, I’m not doing this to get attention or compliments (I still don’t look that great), but to prove a point.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Profile photo of hrotgarmr hrotgarmr.
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    #164924
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @hrotgarmr Whether you wanted compliments or not, you look pretty good!

    #164955
    Profile photo of K-16
    K-16
    Member

    Hmm… Maybe I should give it a try someday.

    #165002
    Profile photo of missblow
    missblow
    Member

    I’m proud of you @hrotgarmr. That trip sounded like an incredibly valuable experience for you. Good for you!

    #165380
    Profile photo of Evanatt
    Evanatt
    Member

    Been a shitstorm year here for me, I hope next year will be better.
    I dunno if I dare to go too much in details, I’m still somewhat feeling down. Though going bit better now than earlier this autumn.

    #165381
    Profile photo of neonte13
    neonte13
    Member

    Evanatt, here’s to next year, man! We’re here to listen if you do end up deciding to drop the deets, but either way, we’re rootin’ for ya! And, personally, I’ll say, let’s both keep going with those bits and pieces of improvement. It can feel pretty grating when you’re making slow-ass progress, whatever your goals are, (Including just trying to stop feeling quite as shitty as you’ve been feeling) but we’ll make it, damn it! I know it!

    I dunno about you, but sometimes, when I think about my… goals, I guess? I imagine myself as a sloth… well, a fat sloth, actually. lol. But, anyway, for you and anyone else who might feel like a sloth, we can all be sloth buddies! … and pick metaphorical moss and lice off each other… actually, forget that. I don’t like this imagery any more!

    #165382
    Profile photo of Jesslb429
    Jesslb429
    Member

    @evanatt

    I don’t know your reasons, and I’m not going to go too deep here either, but I know exactly how you are feeling. 2016 has been a shitty, shitty year. I’ve had some physical health stuff (I broke my ankle walking through my living room) and a lot of mental health problems spurred on by many different things. I think one of the only good things this year was becoming a turbo. But back to you, I know it has for a lot of us. I’m part of another community that is more focused on a set of games(definitely not as active as here though) and there was talk there about how bad this year has been. 2016 feels like the year that would not end, for a lot of us at least.

    I hope there is something that is bringing you up instead of a constant downer. But my best advice, if I can give anything, is find a momentary distraction. Find something you can use in a moment to calm yourself and lift your spirits a bit. I’ve been using a cross stitching app on my phone to calm me and keep me at peace for a moment. I hope 2017 is better for you Evanatt. You get virtual hugs!

    #165386
    Profile photo of Inevitable
    Inevitable
    Member

    Ack! I don’t come here as much as I mean to. D: I’ve been crazy busy lately.

    @hrotgarmr Dude that is AWESOME those steps you have taken! You really do look so much better. I’m super proud of you and excited about that – thanks for sharing!

    @evanatt Like @neonte13 said, if you want to share with us, we’re totally up for listening. I know that getting thoughts out in text alone can be really helpful at times! And if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, stick with what you like. This year’s nearly over! Hoping 2017 will be better.

    I also wanted to give a bit of an update with me in case people were interested, since I know I was kind of in panic mode here a few months back. I wouldn’t say things have gotten better per se, but it’s a work in progress. I feel way more at ease with myself and that’s the thing I’m most excited about.

    I still sort of like the same girl, but without saying it I think I’ve accepted that I want to get to know her better as a friend and to put the romantic feelings aside. She’s in a really happy relationship, and I’m glad for her. I feel more relaxed admitting to myself that I’m at least bisexual. I’ve broken off contact with my friends who didn’t accept me, which has been really hard because they were the only friends I’ve had for the last five years. So it feels hard to start over, to not really have much of a social life right now when I’m in my twenties, but I do think it’ll get better eventually. That’s enough for me right now. I just found out I’ll be able to graduate with my bachelor’s in six days and I keep thinking about how things could be once I’m settled into my career! It’s exciting. And I finally bought myself a PS4 – the first time I’ve had a current-gen console since I got the Wii in 2006 – so I’m hoping to get to game with some of you guys finally. :)

    Looking forward to 2017 myself!

    #165396
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @evanatt You’re definitely not alone in this year being really difficult. Personally, I could not have coped with most of it without the help of turbos. But, I also have difficulty calling it the worst year. I mean, it definitely has been, but I’ve learned so much about myself and accomplished so much, in large part in overcoming at least some of the bad things. And met so many people that I love and respect. Here’s to 2017 being great :)

    @inevitable :O PSN is CA-Radford . Lets play vido gams yo! :3

    #165416
    Profile photo of Inevitable
    Inevitable
    Member

    @radladdy Yes yes! I will add you tonight. I don’t have any vido gams yet though, not sure what to get D: I tried PC Overwatch during the beta and it wasn’t my cup of tea, but it does look the best for online play! D:

    #165472
    Profile photo of Soreiya
    Soreiya
    Member

    I’ve not had much energy for anything lately. I’ve been trying to push myself to get back into drawing again. It’s difficult since it doesn’t take much to drag me into the depths of despair. The Thanksgiving Minecraft show for example definitely triggered me since my ex friend took part. The feeling lingered for a long time. I cried a lot. I spent the entirety of the stream yesterday having an anxiety attack. I still tried to force myself to take part in the chat, but it was hard for me. Sometimes I wish that I could find peace, but it alludes me? I don’t know what to do. I know I sound like I’m wallowing in self pity, but the past year and a half has been rough on me. I need positive energy to fight the negative thoughts. I just don’t know how to obtain it?

    #165522
    Profile photo of neonte13
    neonte13
    Member

    oooooooookay, here we go… This might take a while.

    So, to start, I should probably give a brief history of my shitty shit, what is shitty, and shit. Luckily… I guess, I have a poem that pretty much covers it all, minus some more recent improvements and… fuck, what’s the word?… it’s not deprovements… worsenings? … My brain ain’t workin’ today. Anyway, I’ll go over that, and where I am now, after the poem… provided I actually post this, of course.

    —–

    But for silence, dark, and emptiness, 
    I found myself alone.

    Then, with a sudden, shocking forcefulness,
    I was struck down from my throne.

    And through a clotted cloud of meaningless revelations, I finally burst,
    only to find myself coated in filth, and maggots, and even worse!

    On my skin, a caustic gnawing, 
    In my eardrums, constant sawing,

    In my throat, a burning ember, 
    These traditions to remember,

    On my conscience, fucked up numbers, 
    Literature ruined by blunders,

    A penchant for devotion, ruined by these damned, erratic motions!

    With a…

    Hhhmn.
    … 

    With a FIERCE, and FIERY OUTBURST!

    With a   s l u g g i s h   p a l l,

    With a fetid, wetted bed every morning,
    With globular body, and my own brand of scorning,

    With a casing made of bumps and rashes,
    and a human interface device that constantly crashes,

    With an attention span of…

    With a locking mechanism that won’t come unstuck,

    With spontaneous motions, and, “Well, it’s probably the cedar. Sorry about the coughing, though.”  

    With far too many excuses to count, 
    I have, effectively, ruled myself out.

    However, with all of these things, I won’t get it over with.

    What I will do, is enjoy those rare, fleeting moments when I feel okay, when I’m still uncomfortable, but it isn’t bothering me. 
    Those moments are truly wonderful.

    The world doesn’t stand still.

    You don’t feel some thing you’ve never felt before.

    You don’t learn to love life, or love someone you just met, or love yourself.

    You don’t share a magical moment, have the world at your disposal, or realize the rush of helping poorer people.

    You just feel okay. Everything is just there, and that’s fine, and your mind is barely biting at you.

    It’s wonderful.

    —–

    So, yeah… Tourette’s, OCD, ADD, Anxiety, irritability, permanent rashes, and general fatitude are still very much the order of the day, and in some ways are even getting worse. However, thank fuck for my CPAP machine, which has vanquished the enuresis!
    … But, I’ve realized, in the past year or two, just how massive a psychological impact that must’ve had… I mean… Can you imagine regularly pissing the bed, into your twenties?! … The thing is, I’ve just accepted these things to be part of my life. That can’t be right. That’s not what people should do… but I didn’t really see that until I’d been free of it for a few years. You should be mad about things like that. You should say, “Get me to the right doctor, because I need to figure this thing out.” Otherwise, you’re just gonna sit there with an apple stuck in your cockroach back, waiting to die.

    Currently, I’m trying out not being on meds, (having planned it out with my Neurologist, of course) and I’m starting to hit the zone of, “Man, I don’t, fuckin’, know.” I think my tics have definitely gotten worse, but it doesn’t help that I got the classic eye opening tic back by editing footage of an eye surgery. (It’s for a short thing, in the style of the cursed tape from Ringu.) That eye tic is more disruptive than stuff like finger splaying, since it can actually give me a headache, so just having it in play is a bad turn. Still, I do wanna have a good ol’ go at some techniques for living with tics, before slinking back to the world of meds that can only help a little, before they cause more harm than help. So, that’s a thing, I guess.

    Oh, and I had really low Testosterone levels, so I’m still getting injections for that, regularly… I don’t know if it’s the levels coming back up, but I’ve been turning more Irish, in the last few months… that is, I get a wee bit teary eyed really easily, now, giving me sparkly, Irish eyes for… just the dumbest of reasons. For example… and this is gonna sound really dopey, but now, whenever someone’s talking passionately about something they really care about, My eyes go all shiny, and I feel like I’m right around the corner from the house where crying lives. Is that a normal thing? Like… mentally, I’ve always had all these piles and piles of empathy, but now it’s leaking into the physical realm… or almost, at least. Is that a normal thing? I’m not sure how I feel about it. Can people tell? It’s freakin’ weird, man.

    There’s been other shit, along the way, like a pseudotumor, eye issues, and stuff I’ve long forgotten about, but I think this pretty much covers the lead cast in the annoyingly artsy, and ultimately uninteresting movies… in… my… head. (It’s like 60 Minutes on acid.)

    Sorry for the Great Wall of mostly disorganized text, but I think if I tried to go back and edit it, it would crumble into a pile of word bricks… wordy, wordy word bricks… with words… and bricks… which are also words… uhh, yeah. Ima go now. Seeya.

    #165525
    Profile photo of neonte13
    neonte13
    Member

    Ah, and there’s a wild Soreiya, hiding in the undergrowth!

    That’s tough, man. Lost, or even just continuing, yet flawed, relationships can be heavy baggage for a long time, especially if y’all were pretty close. Unfortunately, I don’t really have any big solutions… which is pretty annoying. :-( But, I will say that if you’re running low on time spent with family and other friends, that might help normalize things for ya… that being said, I don’t know what your situation is, so that may be my least useful advice, to date… congratulations to me, then, I guess? lol

    But, for me, distractions are the name of the game… actually, probably too much so, but that’s a whole other thing. But, yeah, I find there’s nothing like a proper good laugh to help me move on with my life for a bit, if I hit a snag. If it’s a big one, and/or I’m in that, “bluuaugh. I don’t know what I wanna watch.” mood, a firm, “Fuck it! I’m watching _______.” is the way to go.

    And just to be clear, I am not endorsing any media which is literally titled _______, Blank, 7 Blanks, Space, Spaces, Kevin Spacey’s Blank Space, The 7 Blanks of Sissey Spacek, or any other such obnoxiously literal interpretations, as I’ve seen none of them… and I’m pretty sure one of them was banned in both Georgias, so yeah.

    #165640
    Profile photo of MrHeidenSeik
    MrHeidenSeik
    Member

    Every day for the last Six or Seven years my schedule has consisted of waking up going to school/work, coming home, going straight to my computer, going to bed and then repeating the cycle. No matter how hard I try to break it I fall right back into it. I need help.

    #165671
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    I’m sorry for having neglected this thread for a little while.

    #165688
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    @neonte13 Sounds like it’s really rough for you; But I’m glad to hear that you can cling onto those positive moments. Remember that we’re all here for you, and I especially appreciate you so bloody much for being around. I guess one reason I took so long to reply to you is that I can only empathise with a couple of things and so felt like I could barely do a response justice. Which made me feel bad, obviously. Those two things being OCD and anxiety, so you can see… why… yeah. Love you buddy. <3

    @mrheidenseik Getting into a cycle can both be very very good, and very very bad. Things feel stable and you end up getting really good at those specific things, but when things inevitably change big time, you aren’t prepared for it. I wish you the best of luck in jumpstarting things but it’s not something you can rush. Maybe start searching for opportunities you can endeavour, or look into going to conventions like PAX maybe, which as I’ve heard can give you a totally new outlook on everything. Doing the same thing every day is for the most part me right now as well. And while it keeps my mind at ease, I need to start changing things eventually before I’m unprepared for everything. It’s never too late, and you can do it.

    #165692
    Profile photo of missblow
    missblow
    Member

    Over the holidays I sat down with my family and did Headspace. Have any of you tried this app? It’s all about meditation and relaxation and only takes about 10 minutes. Apparently the first 10 “sessions” are free. I found it extremely relaxing and would like to continue doing it. Just thought I’d toss it out here, because it’s recommended for people with depression and anxiety.

    #165703
    Profile photo of RadLaddy
    RadLaddy
    Member

    That’s interesting @missblow , thanks.

    #165861
    Profile photo of Jesslb429
    Jesslb429
    Member

    @missblow – Thanks for posting the link to Headspace. While I haven’t been doing it consistently, It was a big help last week. Listening to the exercises helped keep me from bottoming out and also helped keep my insomnia at bay by coaxing me towards sleep in the later hours. So thank you.

    #165862
    Profile photo of Jesslb429
    Jesslb429
    Member

    I usually don’t like double posting, but I didn’t want to bog down my last message with my longer…thing.

    Firstly, there is a lot to say, but I will try and stick to being brief. It’s been a while since I posted much, not including one post that I fear was not much help. The thing is that there comes times when I cannot bring myself to help others because I cannot help myself. And if I cannot help others, I do not feels as if I have earned the right to use the board for my problems. While I was doing the Minecraft challenges, I even began to feel anxiety over those. However, I have been tamping a lot down and I just need to release a little. It

    The tail end of 2016 for me was hard. I was already stressed as November approached and that month broke my brain. Like I laid in bed for a week and cried broke. Details are mostly unimportant, mostly, but still I cannot remember anything about a whole week besides crying, hopelessness, and mild suicidal thoughts. Currently, I have move beyond that, but I am still not doing great. My anxiety isn’t frequent, but makes up for it in force. Same with almost everything. My workplace has shut down and is being demolished, so I’m currently unemployed. A whole other stress on itself. In fact, I was supposed to go for an interview tomorrow, but they called me today and said they already filled the position. Fun. The holidays turned out to be a stress nightmare. The biggest thing that has held over is feeling stuck and also the self depricating behavior. For example, I has a contrasting opinion to Fraser in a tweet and after a half hour of panic, sent an apology tweet because I was afraid he would kick me out of the turbo club. Crazy, right? I’ve been hiding a lot, both here and IRL. Hence the not being around thing. Even after signing up to play PC Overwatch, I tend to stay away because I know I suck and am afraid of people hating me because I cause us to lose.

    In summation, things are a bit spinny. I’m not sure of where I stand anywhere in this world and am wandering blind. Sorry for taking so long. None of this was super important. My self esteem is taking a beating and I’m not sure how to go forward. Just needed to unload a bit and try to reintegrate myself back here.

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    RadLaddy
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    Hey @jesslb429 buddy. First off, the times when I am quiet or take long to respond to people on this thread are because I’m in a really low place myself. And I too feel like there is no way that I could help others in the states I’ve been in. I’ve not been doing very well emotionally/mentally but recently I’ve improved. All I know is that sometimes when typing here, my brain lets me know that I should follow my own advice. Not often, but, still :P

    I’ll first mention Overwatch on PC as it’s something that I use to wind down and distract myself (although on PS4). I highly recommend friending and grouping up with some PC overwatch turbos. Not everyone wants to play competitive 24/7. And those guys are super nice. It’s about having fun, not being good at the game. When I first started playing the game I was the same as you, felt like I was shit and didn’t play with anyone for the longest time. Eventually after playing on show a couple times and accepting group invites I started voice chatting, Overwatch being the first multiplayer game I have ever done that with. And while I’ve deteriorated in other ways, my confidence in speaking and making friends has been vastly improved. Overwatch will forever be the reason for that, and that kinda blows me away.

    I’m sorry that your holidays weren’t fun and all that. I recommend finding a good distraction to where you can figure out the issues that you’re having in other ways. Not head on. Personally, trying to tackle mine head on makes them worse.

    Unloading is a good idea. Keep in mind that we care about you, that I care about you, and that you can and will get through this. Regardless of your head telling you what you are able to do, telling you that you won’t achieve things. You will get through it. Here whenever you need us. If it’s something that you need to force yourself to do, but that you know will make things better, it can wait. Take your time. And you’ll find the courage eventually. And I am here rooting for that day and happy to help any way I can. *hugs*

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